Just Say Something

As one of the newest hip hop artists, Drake, puts it, "I'm gonna need you to say something baby". During the chorus his lyrics talk about how if only his love partner would have spoken up and said how she felt, they might have worked it out.

How often does your passive voice create frustration in your relationships or at work? When we don't speak up about how we feel about a work project, our relationships with loved ones, or our careers, we harbor negative feelings and miss out on opportunities.

On the flip side of that coin you might be someone who always vocalizes their opinion and maybe not with the best delivery. I have had my experiences with being too passive and most often, too assertive (if there is even such a thing). When I have been passive in a situation, I end up venting afterwards to an uninvolved party. Sometimes venting is healthy but more often than not, it just fires us back up on the topic, and the person we are venting to cannot solve the problem for us. During those situations when I felt comfortable to say how I was feeling at the moment and my opinion on things, I have also hurt feelings and didn't always keep their feelings at the top of my mind.

So how can we maintain a balance in our style of communication? As a woman whose mother was very assertive and independent and with friends and family members who fall to the other end of the spectrum, I have been able to come across some people who have had the right balance in their style of communication which has led to their success. Referring back to Drake's song, "Say Something", he was encouraging her to speak on her feelings. Here are some simple steps to remain true to ourselves but also respect others:

1. Start off by showing understanding of the other person's side of things or their intent
2. Move on to what you have noticed with the way things have been going(i.e. what you have observed)
3. Continue on by stating how the situation or comment has affected you and the impact it has had on other things (stay away from saying "you make me mad" and stick more with your feelings, "I feel upset when")
4. Then, state your suggestion for how the situation can be improved or what you would like to see change. Don't forget to explain how this change will impact the current state

We all have it in us to respect those around us and if we are logical, still get what we want.