One Key to a Happy Marriage

There was a recent article on being happy in your marriage in a local paper this past weekend. One of the suggestions to be followed for a happy marriage was to be sure to keep up with your appearance. For some this seems to be a no brainer,“of course my husband or wife would want me to continue keeping myself looking and feeling great.” For most people though, they get comfortable and busy with their spousal roles that they do let themselves go. A woman might sacrifice getting ready in the morning for getting her kids ready and fed before school. Men sometimes use the excuse of yard work and working all day as to why they can’t work out anymore. This logic works better in the summer months. However, if you live in colder climates, there is not a whole lot of yard work to be done, so staying active gets to be even more than a challenge.

The fact is that as we get older, there are so many other things happening in your life that require your attention which can take you away from keeping up with your appearance. You might think that your spouse loves you for what is on the inside so you can go ahead and put your efforts elsewhere. If you married a wonderful person, they should love you for what is on the inside but the hard truth is that as human beings, we are still visual people. Of course with love and respect we overlook superficial things that would have turned us off in the dating stages but this doesn’t mean that you stop trying.

It is important to keep up with your health so that you can be around for your family and feel great in the process. It is just as important to not completely give up taking care of yourself to take care of everyone else. When you feel good about you then you will be better serving others. When life is hectic try these few tips to keep yourself feeling great:

1. Don’t skip breakfast

2. Wake up 10 minutes earlier to put some makeup on that brightens your face or assemble an outfit together that looks and feels good on

3. Bring healthy snack options to work so you do not find yourself in the vending machine

4. Make an effort to freshen up before your spouse gets home – care about your appearance so that he or she will do a double take

5. When the weather is nice, pick activities that are fun for the whole family and keep everyone active (hide and go seek at night or kickball)

6. When you’re going out as a family, get ready, don’t just “throw something on”

There are many things you can do to keep up with your appearance but you can start with making a few changes right away that won’t significantly interrupt your routine. Don’t wait to feel great!

Be Yourself or Lose Yourself

As Eminem raps about losing yourself in the moment in his hit song, Lose Yourself, I am cautioning you to not lose yourself in your environment to the voices and power figures that influence your behavior. How many times have you wanted to say something to someone you were dating, your loved ones, your boss, doctor, etc. but were too afraid of how they would react or think of you afterwards? C’mon, I’m sure you have wanted to hum, sing, dance, say a joke, or just say something outrageous because of how great you were feeling, but you have learned to control these impulses to conform to what our society labels as being “normal”.

We are often shocked by what children say and how blunt they are with us. Some of us only wish we had the kind of courage to say what comes out of their mouth and not feel guilty for it. By age five we had our own unique personality and then our parents, teachers, etc. have told us why we couldn’t say this or that. Sometimes kids learn to “straighten up” right away and other times we make it all the way to adulthood and then we get into the workplace and SQUASH…there goes our authentic self. Now this doesn’t happen overnight. Actually, you may not even realize that you are a completely different person than you were a couple years ago until you run into an old school friend. I love this new creator of toys called B. which stand for “Just B. Just You. B. You”. They want to encourage children to just be who they are.

I was in the gym the other day and I was really into my IPOD and workout; I felt like dancing or singing. Did I? NO! Should I have? Why not? What is the worst thing that could have happened? Other people around me may have thought I was a little weird or egocentric, but dancing would not have been inconsiderate or offended anyone. Our image precedes us, right? How we dress, what we say, what we write, and how we behave is what other people have to judge our character, values, and personality. However, confidence doesn’t come from what other people think about us- it comes from what we think about ourselves. You have to be able to live with your decisions and be happy with who you are. The only way you can do this is to be “real” with yourself and others. For those of you who would just start singing in a crowded elevator or in the doctor’s waiting room- I am not talking to you. The key is to be yourself but also respect and be considerate to other people and what is going on around you.

I challenge you to try something different this week that makes you happy, feels good, and gets back to who you were when you were more “free”- as long as it doesn’t hurt or disrespect someone else. It could be giving a compliment, speaking up for how you are feeling in a staff meeting, singing/dancing in your car, etc. This would be something that may not be you today but was you before- check in with yourself to see how you feel afterwards. It’s not enough for only children to be comfortable being themselves but it is also important for us too!