A Matchmaker to "Real People"

I thought I was supposed to be my "real self" when looking to meet other singles! This is what one of my clients recently told me in an image coaching session. Now my response was definitely not as callous as one well-known matchmaker, Patti Stanger, from Bravo's television show Millionaire Matchmaker, but it was direct.

Of course when promoting yourself on a dating website profile or during a 1st date, you want to be yourself, but does that mean that who you are on a 1st date and the 21st date would be the same--No! When we are reading someone's profile or meeting someone for the first time, we are judging them much more critically than we normally would judge someone that we were not interested in dating. This means that nervous chatter can be misinterpreted for someone who talks way too much and is annoying. I don't want to say that we settle for things once we get to know people better, but we are more forgiving if they have bad breath after a meal on date twenty than on a first date- there will be no date number two!

I don't care if it is a job interview or speed dating, we are judged on our first impression. The question remains, can you be yourself and make a good impression at the same time? Absolutely, you can be true to who you are, Will Smith in Hitch did find this out to his dismay, but timing and the right dosage is critical. Here are a few tips when wanting to leave a good impression on your first date but still be authentic:

1. Keep it positive- people tend to remember negative statements much more than positive ones

2. Don't discuss heavy topics in the very beginning (religion, career goals, family goals, etc.)

3. Find something to do that you both share in common so more of the time is spent enjoying an activity versus a coffee/dinner date focused on mannerisms and conversation. This will help to break down some barriers so more conversation can take place on the second date.